bat-man-panties

we were in wal-mart yesterday, collecting the final items on our "back to school" shopping list.

ick.

it's always those last couple of items that every store runs out of that gives me headaches.

this year, it's the "kindermat" - the little vinyl fold-up mat for preschool naps.

they're allllllll gone. bye bye. not a one to be found.

so i bought a yoga mat, thinking it might suffice. it doesn't, by the way, so don't attempt to slide one past your preschool director as i did ... evidently it MUST be vinyl. that way the kids won't attempt to get up and walk around during their naps as the electrical conductivity of vinyl against 4 year old skin causes an abundance of sweat, thereby adhering their little bodies TO THE MAT, making locomotion impossible. i think they grab them by their shoes and rip them off the mat at the end of naptime, like a big giant bandaid.

i digress.

so we're in wal-mart, in the toy aisle, looking for the vinyl mat.

and what wyatt really wants to do is shop for toys.

of course! i don't blame the guy. there's a zillion other things i'd rather shop for than vinyl mats.

but i'm on a mission to find THE MAT and failed to honor my little guy with at least a little stop by the superhero display.

by the time we head back to the front of the store with our non-compliant yoga mat (which got returned this morning, by the way) he's sporting "THE BIG LIP".

you know what i'm talking about.

the big giant bottom lip that creeps out when your 4 year old is caught in the throes of utter superhero disappointment.

"all i wanted to do was visit batman, mom"

so this is the problem with superheros around our house: the dog likes them better than the kids.

if you are stuffed, or 4 inches tall and plastic, your days are numbered in the jackson household 'cause aunt bea will sneak in to your room and find you in the middle of the night and chew your head off.

and i simply can't take another "teenage mutant ninja turtle" funeral around here. i really can't.

but superhero underwear? that i can do. the dog thinks they taste yucky.

so we detour off to the superhero underwear aisle and my big guy snags himself a 3 pack of batman "glow in the dark"* underwear.

*yeah, right, i pulled those suckers right over my head last night and popped in to wyatt's pitch dark room to give him a little "glow in the dark" thrill ... he didn't see a danged thing except his mom stretching out his brand new underwear. he darn near tore my pearl earrings out of my lobes yanking them off my head in disgust.

now, they package underwear a little different these days ... the come in a little plastic shell with a plastic hook which makes displaying them at 4-year-old eye level a snap. in my walmart they're hanging right next to the "fruit loops", "lucky charms", "count chocula" and the goldfish. as in the live kind.

wyatt discovered very quickly that this little hook fit nicely over his belt loop so he proudly wore his underwear around the store, through the checkout, out to the car, in to his carseat and back home.

so i was wondering, when did i lose the enthusiasm for lingerie that i would never consider just strapping on a brand new bra in nordstrom and wearing it out, over my clothes, to my car, all proud of my new purchase?

"looky looky", i'd say to the stranger who just parked 2 inches from my car door, "it's got UNDERWIRES! wanna feel 'em?"

but then mall security would probably get involved and i just don't fancy trying to explain why i'm all "lifted and separated" out in the parking lot.

so, the lesson for today is, always, always be grateful when your underwear don't glow in the dark ... or maybe it's to be grateful you don't stick to your mattress ...

i don't know ... you decide.