did i mention, out here in septic land, that our garbage disposal is "off limits"?
we have one. nicely installed, and all, in a beautiful 4 foot designer sink. but septic rules dictate that we do not, in fact, actually put said garbage disposal to use.
something about egg shells and coffee grounds and baked beans mucking up the system.
so the other night we attended a 'back to school fish fry" put on by the neighborhood. 109 home reside in our little gated community so we decided to take a big batch of beans, knowing they can sit out by the pool for a little while before turning bad, like potato salad.
did you ever see the gary larson comic of a bowl of potato salad sticking up the bottle of ketchup with a gun and the quote "when potato salad goes bad."?
well, being new here and all, i DID NOT want to be the one responsible for the homicidal potato salad at the back to school fish fry.
so we show up with about 10 gallons of beans, as does everyone else in the neighborhood, and we came home with about 9.75 gallons of beans.
i put some in the fridge and then set the bowl on the counter.
and it sat there. and it sat there. and it sat there.
a couple of days later, john asked me what the "bean plan" was.
"bean plan"?
"bean plan?"
truth is, HONEY, i don't know what to DO with the beans.
can't throw them in the trash. they'll leak and smell before our "waste removal engineers" come back on saturday.
can't put 'em down the garbage disposal 'cause, as i said before, we CAN'T ACTUALLY USE OUR GARBAGE DISPOSAL.
at this point, i'm tempted to just walk the big giant bowl of fermenting beans out to the back, back yard and start flinging them in to the nuclear-fertilized grass with a big giant ladle.
after all, if i actually USED MY GARBAGE DISPOSAL that's where they'd wind up anyway. so, really, i'm just bypassing the system. i'm just accelerating the process.
john thought that might be a bad idea. might ruin all the good will we've built up with our neighbors.
but i do love the idea of efficiency and simplicity ... if the beans would, theoretically, wind up in the yard, why not just walk them out there?
'cause that's the way life should be ... efficient, simple, straightforward.
that's the way our business works, too.
like beans in the yard, baby. like beans in the yard.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Monday, August 27, 2007
wayne newton wears makeup
i saw a picture of wayne newton today.
still working on getting him to wish grandma cox a "happy 90th birthday" next april.
evidently he's gonna be on some dancing reality tv show airing soon so it wasn't difficult to find a pic of him on the internet
you see, i was gonna print out a pic of him and put it on my dream board ... not because i think he's "dreamy" or anything ... but i'm pretty darn serious about getting his involvement next spring for this party so i figure i'd better increase my attention, energy and focus on wayne.
but the pic i found grossed me out. he wasn't wearing "tv anchorman" makeup ... noooooo, he was wearing "tammy faye baker messner" makeup. (God rest her soul)
i don't know wayne ... i still want ya for the party next april but dude, lose the eyeliner!
still working on getting him to wish grandma cox a "happy 90th birthday" next april.
evidently he's gonna be on some dancing reality tv show airing soon so it wasn't difficult to find a pic of him on the internet
you see, i was gonna print out a pic of him and put it on my dream board ... not because i think he's "dreamy" or anything ... but i'm pretty darn serious about getting his involvement next spring for this party so i figure i'd better increase my attention, energy and focus on wayne.
but the pic i found grossed me out. he wasn't wearing "tv anchorman" makeup ... noooooo, he was wearing "tammy faye baker messner" makeup. (God rest her soul)
i don't know wayne ... i still want ya for the party next april but dude, lose the eyeliner!
the wet t-shirt buscapades
one of the best parts of working from home is thinking up new and better ways to embarrass my kids.
it's a fine art, really.
"girl" is 11 and has just tipped from "my mom is the coolest" (which she still claims often in private, especially when i'm paying her commissions for doing her chores) to "MOMMMMMMMMMMM YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME".
the other day john and the kids were in the pool with their new "super soaker" water guns. i walked through the sunporch to grab my laptop and they all screamed for me to come outside so they could "tell me something".
yeah, right.
i was about to get wet.
really really wet.
so i blew apart their evil, diabolical plans and ran outside, fully clothed, and jumped in to the pool.
'bout that time my neighbor debbie popped over for a visit ... she could hear the ruckus in the pool.
i hopped out of the pool to chat and 11-year old was horrified.
mortified.
totally embarrassed.
now, pamela anderson i am not.
but i was putting on the 42 year old mom version of a wet t-shirt contest to my 42 year old mom neighbor.
big deal.
i guess it is when you're 11.
so i gave her a little something to be embarrassed about and shook it for all i was worth.
debbie got it.
she's got a 12 year old daughter.
daughter horrified. mission accomplished.
so today was the first day of school and in these parts the bus actually picks up and drops off at the house. at the end of our driveway to be precise.
we happen to be one of the first houses on the route so when kid-dropping-off time rolled around this afternoon john and i rolled a couple of old office chairs still sitting neglected in the garage out to the end of the driveway to await her arrival.
i could see her horror through the packed windows of the bus.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO" she mouthed at me as we waved and jumped up and down like mad-people.
she's just lucky john didn't pull the old "pull my pants up to my neck" trick and mambo out to the curb to greet her.
like i said, it's an art.
we figure it accomplishes a couple of things:
1. it'll make her tough ... 'cause it's not about to stop.
2. it keeps life interesting ... these are the conversations we have late at night ... "how do we rock her world tomorrow?"
3. hopefully it'll teach her to find humor in everything.
4. she'll eventually drop the "what will other people think?" when she realizes it's WAY better to have both parents who love her enough to be at home, waiting for the bus in the middle of the afternoon jumping around madly excited to see her ... she's got her own private cheering section.
i think tomorrow i'll wait by the curb for the bus in a wet t-shirt and see how that goes over ...
it's a fine art, really.
"girl" is 11 and has just tipped from "my mom is the coolest" (which she still claims often in private, especially when i'm paying her commissions for doing her chores) to "MOMMMMMMMMMMM YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME".
the other day john and the kids were in the pool with their new "super soaker" water guns. i walked through the sunporch to grab my laptop and they all screamed for me to come outside so they could "tell me something".
yeah, right.
i was about to get wet.
really really wet.
so i blew apart their evil, diabolical plans and ran outside, fully clothed, and jumped in to the pool.
'bout that time my neighbor debbie popped over for a visit ... she could hear the ruckus in the pool.
i hopped out of the pool to chat and 11-year old was horrified.
mortified.
totally embarrassed.
now, pamela anderson i am not.
but i was putting on the 42 year old mom version of a wet t-shirt contest to my 42 year old mom neighbor.
big deal.
i guess it is when you're 11.
so i gave her a little something to be embarrassed about and shook it for all i was worth.
debbie got it.
she's got a 12 year old daughter.
daughter horrified. mission accomplished.
so today was the first day of school and in these parts the bus actually picks up and drops off at the house. at the end of our driveway to be precise.
we happen to be one of the first houses on the route so when kid-dropping-off time rolled around this afternoon john and i rolled a couple of old office chairs still sitting neglected in the garage out to the end of the driveway to await her arrival.
i could see her horror through the packed windows of the bus.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO" she mouthed at me as we waved and jumped up and down like mad-people.
she's just lucky john didn't pull the old "pull my pants up to my neck" trick and mambo out to the curb to greet her.
like i said, it's an art.
we figure it accomplishes a couple of things:
1. it'll make her tough ... 'cause it's not about to stop.
2. it keeps life interesting ... these are the conversations we have late at night ... "how do we rock her world tomorrow?"
3. hopefully it'll teach her to find humor in everything.
4. she'll eventually drop the "what will other people think?" when she realizes it's WAY better to have both parents who love her enough to be at home, waiting for the bus in the middle of the afternoon jumping around madly excited to see her ... she's got her own private cheering section.
i think tomorrow i'll wait by the curb for the bus in a wet t-shirt and see how that goes over ...
Friday, August 17, 2007
Does My Yard Smell Like "Asparagus"?
so this is a conversation about bodily functions.
if the word “pee” offends you, stop reading right now.
you see, when we moved to the texas hill country, the operative term there being “country”, we moved in to a whole new world when it comes to sewage disposal.
we’d always lived on a city sewer system.
flush it and it goes bye bye, without another thought as to what happens from that point forward.
but out here in the country, we bought ourselves a house with a SEPTIC SYSTEM.
which means that after you flush it, it’s still yours to keep.
now, we have an aerobic septic system, which basically turns our sewage into gray water that is then shot out of sprinkler heads and irrigates our backyard.
the way-far-back part of our backyard.
not the swimming in the pool, playing ball, grilling or drinking margaritas part of the backyard.
but the wild and wooly back acre.
which is cool as some summers it gets rather dry down here and i love the fact that we’re actually using our, um, "resources" to keep our yard alive.
it’s very “green” as opposed to using potable drinking water to irrigate a yard.
plus, i like to believe that snakes hate to be peed on, thereby keeping them far, far away from my backyard.
so my “city” brother from dallas was down to visit a couple of weeks ago and we were explaining the aerobic sprinklers in the backyard.
steven then looked at me and declared “congratulations, you're officially a redneck”.
and then we got on a roll and this is what we concluded:
“If you can fertilize your own yard by pee-ing in the shower, you just might be a redneck.”
take that, jeff foxworthy.
so yesterday we had a break in the torrential rains we’ve been experiencing as the result of some tropical depression down in the gulf of mexico.
i was out in the way-far-back part of our backyard watching the water rush through.
we could have kayaked from the front of our property to the back property line.
behind us is “elmer’s place”. rumor has it he’s a crotchety old man who doesn’t like anyone encroaching on his ranch.
which, of course, just makes it all the more tempting to hop the fence and check it out.
15 feet behind our property line, on elmer’s place, this torrent of water disappears over a small ridge into what sounds like a waterfall.
i like waterfalls.
i wanted to see elmer’s waterfall created by the river in my yard.
so as i’m navigating the high spots in the yard, hopping on rocks and logs and working my way back to the fence, the aerobic sprinklers go off.
now, that's something that usually only happens in the middle of the night.
"they" tell me the water coming out is like 98% pure.
but what about the other 2%?
what exactly is that made up of?
‘cause if it’s still got remnants of the asparagus we ate a couple of days ago i certainly don’t want to be hosed down with THAT.
my neighbors happened to be watching as i dodged sprinklers and gullies of waist deep water in my attempt to get back to dry land without getting peed on by my own backyard.
they thought it was funny.
i thought it was funny, too, after i was back on dry land, having escaped the “tinkling sprinklers” and the snakes and the back-stroking sasquatch that feasts on armadilloes.
and yet elmer’s waterfall remains a mystery as flash floods here in texas disappear as quickly as they appear.
and that’s all i have to say about that. not really any life lesson here except remember to laugh when you can ... and always, always be grateful when you don't smell like asparagus.
p.s. - aunt bea says hey.
if the word “pee” offends you, stop reading right now.
you see, when we moved to the texas hill country, the operative term there being “country”, we moved in to a whole new world when it comes to sewage disposal.
we’d always lived on a city sewer system.
flush it and it goes bye bye, without another thought as to what happens from that point forward.
but out here in the country, we bought ourselves a house with a SEPTIC SYSTEM.
which means that after you flush it, it’s still yours to keep.
now, we have an aerobic septic system, which basically turns our sewage into gray water that is then shot out of sprinkler heads and irrigates our backyard.
the way-far-back part of our backyard.
not the swimming in the pool, playing ball, grilling or drinking margaritas part of the backyard.
but the wild and wooly back acre.
which is cool as some summers it gets rather dry down here and i love the fact that we’re actually using our, um, "resources" to keep our yard alive.
it’s very “green” as opposed to using potable drinking water to irrigate a yard.
plus, i like to believe that snakes hate to be peed on, thereby keeping them far, far away from my backyard.
so my “city” brother from dallas was down to visit a couple of weeks ago and we were explaining the aerobic sprinklers in the backyard.
steven then looked at me and declared “congratulations, you're officially a redneck”.
and then we got on a roll and this is what we concluded:
“If you can fertilize your own yard by pee-ing in the shower, you just might be a redneck.”
take that, jeff foxworthy.
so yesterday we had a break in the torrential rains we’ve been experiencing as the result of some tropical depression down in the gulf of mexico.
i was out in the way-far-back part of our backyard watching the water rush through.
we could have kayaked from the front of our property to the back property line.
behind us is “elmer’s place”. rumor has it he’s a crotchety old man who doesn’t like anyone encroaching on his ranch.
which, of course, just makes it all the more tempting to hop the fence and check it out.
15 feet behind our property line, on elmer’s place, this torrent of water disappears over a small ridge into what sounds like a waterfall.
i like waterfalls.
i wanted to see elmer’s waterfall created by the river in my yard.
so as i’m navigating the high spots in the yard, hopping on rocks and logs and working my way back to the fence, the aerobic sprinklers go off.
now, that's something that usually only happens in the middle of the night.
"they" tell me the water coming out is like 98% pure.
but what about the other 2%?
what exactly is that made up of?
‘cause if it’s still got remnants of the asparagus we ate a couple of days ago i certainly don’t want to be hosed down with THAT.
my neighbors happened to be watching as i dodged sprinklers and gullies of waist deep water in my attempt to get back to dry land without getting peed on by my own backyard.
they thought it was funny.
i thought it was funny, too, after i was back on dry land, having escaped the “tinkling sprinklers” and the snakes and the back-stroking sasquatch that feasts on armadilloes.
and yet elmer’s waterfall remains a mystery as flash floods here in texas disappear as quickly as they appear.
and that’s all i have to say about that. not really any life lesson here except remember to laugh when you can ... and always, always be grateful when you don't smell like asparagus.
p.s. - aunt bea says hey.
Who Are You Surrounding Yourself With?
it's been determined, scientifically, that our income is actually an average of our five closest friends, co-workers, confidantes.
so it's very, very important who we choose to spend our time with.
duh.
that's why we were in Las Vegas last weekend.
to hang out with multi-millionaires, who also happen to be friends.
but i've decided that the the "five closest friends" rule applies to other aspects of our life, not just the financial health of our bank account and our investments and our net worth.
i think it applies to the amount of laughter we have in life.
that's a pretty important thing to me, too.
what's better than laughing until your stomach hurts and you have tears rolling down your face?
so last weekend, john and i spent a little time at the blackjack tables. we're not "big" gamblers but we do enjoy playing blackjack together, especially if john sits at my right and lovingly coaches me when i attempt to double down as the dealer holds a face card.
that's, evidently, a big "no no".
we ALWAYS net a profit and we ALWAYS walk away when we're ahead.
the casinos hate that, by the way.
anyway, we spent some time with our friend wendy at the "party pit" blackjack table in Bally's Casino. you get really cool plastic jewelry when you hit a blackjack. now i'm not big on plastic jewelry, actually prefer the real stuff, but last weekend i was rather enjoying my mardi gras beads.
and our table got on a run.
elaine and richard, perfect strangers from corona california, rounded out our table and we had a blast. even when the deck turned against us we managed to turn the tide around within a couple of hands.
we played for hours, collecting plastic jewelry and the dealers were fighting to get back to our table as a happy table is a tipping table.
they were doing well too.
as i said, though, we always know when it's time to go cash out.
so cash out time rolled around and we collected our stack of chips and headed over to the Cashier's Cage.
we waited in line as very serious tellers exchanged very serious money for chips and very serious chips for money.
john sauntered up to the counter and proceeded to request "2 tickets to Star Wars ... no, make that the Star Wars Trilogy".
i was doubled over.
the more the cashier didn't think it was funny (after all, they have a very serious job) the funnier it got.
now, i know it's probably one of those "you had to be there" kind of things. i actually think that was the cashier's response once she stopped glaring at john.
but it WAS FUNNY.
i married a funny guy.
we crack each other up. been married almost 17 years and we laugh together. a lot.
wendy's pretty good at whooping it up too.
so here's to your life being full of laughter and friends who make you laugh.
if your spouse, or kids can fill that role in your life, that's a bonus.
mine do and for that i'm extremely grateful!
so my question for you today is this?
who are you surrounding yourself with?
people who are doing something about their financial situations or people who are complaining about their financial situations?
people who are laughing or people who are glaring at those doubled over in laughter?
grateful people or victims?
it's important to get this because your answer will be like looking in to a mirror.
who you spend time with is a direct reflection of who you are.
i choose healthy, wealthy and grateful!
you?
so it's very, very important who we choose to spend our time with.
duh.
that's why we were in Las Vegas last weekend.
to hang out with multi-millionaires, who also happen to be friends.
but i've decided that the the "five closest friends" rule applies to other aspects of our life, not just the financial health of our bank account and our investments and our net worth.
i think it applies to the amount of laughter we have in life.
that's a pretty important thing to me, too.
what's better than laughing until your stomach hurts and you have tears rolling down your face?
so last weekend, john and i spent a little time at the blackjack tables. we're not "big" gamblers but we do enjoy playing blackjack together, especially if john sits at my right and lovingly coaches me when i attempt to double down as the dealer holds a face card.
that's, evidently, a big "no no".
we ALWAYS net a profit and we ALWAYS walk away when we're ahead.
the casinos hate that, by the way.
anyway, we spent some time with our friend wendy at the "party pit" blackjack table in Bally's Casino. you get really cool plastic jewelry when you hit a blackjack. now i'm not big on plastic jewelry, actually prefer the real stuff, but last weekend i was rather enjoying my mardi gras beads.
and our table got on a run.
elaine and richard, perfect strangers from corona california, rounded out our table and we had a blast. even when the deck turned against us we managed to turn the tide around within a couple of hands.
we played for hours, collecting plastic jewelry and the dealers were fighting to get back to our table as a happy table is a tipping table.
they were doing well too.
as i said, though, we always know when it's time to go cash out.
so cash out time rolled around and we collected our stack of chips and headed over to the Cashier's Cage.
we waited in line as very serious tellers exchanged very serious money for chips and very serious chips for money.
john sauntered up to the counter and proceeded to request "2 tickets to Star Wars ... no, make that the Star Wars Trilogy".
i was doubled over.
the more the cashier didn't think it was funny (after all, they have a very serious job) the funnier it got.
now, i know it's probably one of those "you had to be there" kind of things. i actually think that was the cashier's response once she stopped glaring at john.
but it WAS FUNNY.
i married a funny guy.
we crack each other up. been married almost 17 years and we laugh together. a lot.
wendy's pretty good at whooping it up too.
so here's to your life being full of laughter and friends who make you laugh.
if your spouse, or kids can fill that role in your life, that's a bonus.
mine do and for that i'm extremely grateful!
so my question for you today is this?
who are you surrounding yourself with?
people who are doing something about their financial situations or people who are complaining about their financial situations?
people who are laughing or people who are glaring at those doubled over in laughter?
grateful people or victims?
it's important to get this because your answer will be like looking in to a mirror.
who you spend time with is a direct reflection of who you are.
i choose healthy, wealthy and grateful!
you?
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
From the mouths of babes ...
this morning my 4 year old son made a profound observation.
you see, 3 1/2 years ago john was slaving away at a large orange home improvement retailing operation.
he was considered "high potential".
so he'd been out to meet the big wigs.
there was small talk and in that small talk there was talk of kids and families and spouses.
and then the big wigs started laying out their badges of honor.
they went something like this:
"i haven't been home for my son's soccer games in 5 years."
"well, i haven't been home for my daughter's soccer games in 10 years."
"oh yeah, well, my kid's in college and not only have i never even seen a soccer game i haven't actually seen my kid since he was 2 years old!"
that's when john knew the corporate world wasn't for him anymore.
wyatt was about 1 at the time.
i started looking for some business, any business we could run together.
i looked at it all. a donut franchise. a sign shop. a local flower shop that was for sale and a local printer/office supply storefront operation.
how and why i picked the business model we wound up starting is a conversation for another day, but let it suffice that i found the perfect business for us.
i got started around april 1, 2004 and replaced john's orange apron income and retired him within months.
fast forward to 2007 ...
we've moved from colorado to texas JUST BECAUSE WE WANTED TO.
bought a beautiful home right by my kids' grandparents and great-grandmother in a neat neighborhood smack dab in the texas hill country.
we just put in 2,100 square feet of pool deck around the swimming pool.
we've gotten to know jeff, the decorative concrete guy we hired, quite well over the past month as he's turned our backyard into a paradise.
the other day, jeff brought over his 18 month old son to meet our family. he's a proud dad.
this morning, jeff stopped by again to put some finishing touches on the patio. wyatt and i were sitting out here on the sunporch and wyatt was watching jeff work when he made this observation:
"you have to be a worker guy or a dad. jeff's a worker guy. i have a dad."
and then it struck me.
wyatt can't even comprehend having his daddy away at work. having mom and dad at home all the time is his normal.
and i was again filled with gratitude at the abundance of opportunities we have to improve our lot in life.
i wanted more for my family than an absentee father and husband.
i did something about it.
the right opportunity came along at the right time.
i took action.
and today my son (and daughter) have a daddy, not a "worker guy" in their life all day every day.
LIFE ROCKS!
p.s. - let me know when you're ready to change your life ... someday some kid out there (maybe not even your own!) will thank you!
you see, 3 1/2 years ago john was slaving away at a large orange home improvement retailing operation.
he was considered "high potential".
so he'd been out to meet the big wigs.
there was small talk and in that small talk there was talk of kids and families and spouses.
and then the big wigs started laying out their badges of honor.
they went something like this:
"i haven't been home for my son's soccer games in 5 years."
"well, i haven't been home for my daughter's soccer games in 10 years."
"oh yeah, well, my kid's in college and not only have i never even seen a soccer game i haven't actually seen my kid since he was 2 years old!"
that's when john knew the corporate world wasn't for him anymore.
wyatt was about 1 at the time.
i started looking for some business, any business we could run together.
i looked at it all. a donut franchise. a sign shop. a local flower shop that was for sale and a local printer/office supply storefront operation.
how and why i picked the business model we wound up starting is a conversation for another day, but let it suffice that i found the perfect business for us.
i got started around april 1, 2004 and replaced john's orange apron income and retired him within months.
fast forward to 2007 ...
we've moved from colorado to texas JUST BECAUSE WE WANTED TO.
bought a beautiful home right by my kids' grandparents and great-grandmother in a neat neighborhood smack dab in the texas hill country.
we just put in 2,100 square feet of pool deck around the swimming pool.
we've gotten to know jeff, the decorative concrete guy we hired, quite well over the past month as he's turned our backyard into a paradise.
the other day, jeff brought over his 18 month old son to meet our family. he's a proud dad.
this morning, jeff stopped by again to put some finishing touches on the patio. wyatt and i were sitting out here on the sunporch and wyatt was watching jeff work when he made this observation:
"you have to be a worker guy or a dad. jeff's a worker guy. i have a dad."
and then it struck me.
wyatt can't even comprehend having his daddy away at work. having mom and dad at home all the time is his normal.
and i was again filled with gratitude at the abundance of opportunities we have to improve our lot in life.
i wanted more for my family than an absentee father and husband.
i did something about it.
the right opportunity came along at the right time.
i took action.
and today my son (and daughter) have a daddy, not a "worker guy" in their life all day every day.
LIFE ROCKS!
p.s. - let me know when you're ready to change your life ... someday some kid out there (maybe not even your own!) will thank you!
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