super fast like a rocket

i'm the mother of a very courageous little boy.

john and i took the kids jet skiing in mexico.

knowing riley's love for speed, john, um, "volunteered" to ride with her. and when i say "volunteered" i mean he pulled my hair, poked me in the eye, and dislocated my knee as we were racing to see who got to her jet ski first.

nah, not really. but we both really, really wanted to ride with her because we both like to go really, really fast.

in contrast, wyatt sometimes tells me to slow down when i'm pushing him around the grocery store in their racecar shopping carts. "too fast" he'll tell me.

too fast? i've only got 2 wheels that are spinning regularly ... the third is tangled up in some kind of string they use to truss up hams and the fourth is not even touching the ground. it's not possible to go "too fast" in a rig like this.

but a jet ski ... ah, there's some speed for ya.

john and i once jet skiied all the way around paradise island and the atlantis resort twice in our allotted time when we'd been warned we'd be pushing it to make it around once.

his hind quarters looked like he'd been sitting on a cheese grater when he was done (something about little mesh swimsuits inside the outside swimsuit ... guys, i feel for ya.)

anyway, i drew the short jet ski straw with wyatt as my riding buddy.

we got on. i "accelerated" enough to move us a foot or two off shore and he started ordering me to "SLOW DOWN!"

bummer.

so, keeping us just out of a stall, we head out in to the caribbean ocean.

my son and i.

the first ten minutes went something like this:

wyatt: "SLOW DOWN!"

me: "I CAN'T GO ANY SLOWER"

jet ski: "STALL"

wyatt: "SLOW DOWN!"

me: "I CAN'T. THE JET SKI IS OFF"

neither one of us was having any fun.

he was terrified and i was frustrated.

PING

the emotional guidance system. bad feelings. something here is not lining up with who i've chosen to be.

so i changed the conversation because i am a patient, insightful, loving parent. that's who i choose to be.

me: "wyatt, you are a very courageous little boy."

wyatt: "thanks, what's courageous mean?"

me: "it means you're being brave even when you're afraid."

wyatt: "thanks. wanna feel my muscles?"

me: "absolutely. you ready to go super fast like a rocket?"

wyatt: "no. SLOW DOWN!"

me: "let's be courageous and go "super fast" like a rocket. here we go ... "(still traveling just above a stall ...)

jet ski: "STALL"

wyatt - with a huge smile: "that was FUN, let's go super fast like a rocket again because i'm really courageous and i have reallly big muscles wanna feel them?"

me: "yeh, buddy, lemme feel them then let's go "super fast" like a rocket 'cause you're courageous."

wyatt is now bouncing in the seat he's so excited to get moving at a crawl again. and that's how we spent the remainder of our time together on the jet ski. moving at a crawl with him sooooo excited that, in his world, we were going super fast and he's courageous.

he's empowered.

he's courageous.

he's out having the experience.

he's having fun.

i'm having fun.

we're stalling.

and we're stalling.

and we're stalling.

and it doesn't matter.

i simply changed the conversation from what was wrong, to what was right.

who's to say "super fast like a rocket" isn't just a notch above "stall" after all?

today, that's the highlight of his trip. he bragged about it at preschool yesterday. he wants to know when we can go again.

it was a great experience for him. and for me too.

in the face of frustration, i simply looked for a different perspective - and there it was.

in the face of his fear, he got to be courageous. now he knows what that feels like so as we challenge him to be courageous in other areas of life, he gets to draw on that experience. even as a 4 year old. because now sees himself as courageous.

and that's where unstoppable kids come from.

adults too.

go forth and be courageous!

~aunt bea says "hey".